Without You
by xAzusax
Summary: "You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have left ." Kise's died and Aomine is left to patch up the holes in his heart.


_**Without You**_

 **Pairing:** Aokise  
 **Rating:** T  
 **Words:** ~2500 (One shot)  
 **WARNING:** Possible triggers (character death, attempted suicide), bittersweet end, unbeta'd

 **Summary:** "You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have left ." Kise's died and Aomine is left to patch up the holes in his heart.

Inspired by the song "Sad Song" by We the Kings. Lyrics scattered about, order changed and some lyrics modified. Capitalization errors are intentional.

 _-  
without you, i feel broke  
like i'm half of a whole  
~~~_

Drawing him from deep sleep, the relentless beeping of the alarm clock cried in the otherwise still bedroom. Tossing, the tanned man scowled, barely awake. Turning to his side, he clutched the blanket beside him.

"Goddamnit, Kise, turn that blasted thing off."

There wasn't a reply, and the clock continued on screaming. Unable to take the piercing, irritating screeches, the man flung an arm with the intent of hitting his partner.

It hit air.

Eyes opening begrudgingly, Aomine blinked slowly as his vision cleared. Reason came back and he stilled. The other side was empty, cold, untouched.

He simply stared.

 _~~~  
without you, ive got no hand to hold  
~~~_

It's raining again. He hates the rain, abhors it. It was raining that day, too. Everyday, raining non-stop.

 _They had been playing around, outside despite the downpour. Getting a little wet never hurt anyone, did it?_

Rubber slamming into the concrete, sneakers squeaking as they sloshed through the puddles, laughs and grunts from the moving bodies. Aomine stole the ball and he rushed across the court before Kise could catch him. He slammed the ball in, watching as it fell to the ground.

He watched Kise fall to the ground too.

A body so strong fell like a sapling in the wind. Kise's body twitched, heaving, barely breathing. Hands grasping at his chest, voice breaking, gurgling like a dying animal. He was hot, so burning hot, scorching his already calloused hands. Aomine panicked, not knowing what to do.

Minutes ticked and ticked. He didn't realize that he had taken his phone out. He didn't register the voice of the emergency dispatcher. He didn't hear the sirens in the back or the hands pulling him away from his beloved blonde. What he did see was the stillness of Kise's chest, the sleep of his lungs. Filling his ears were the sounds of the absence of Kise's breath, of his voice, of his laugh. In his hand he felt the warmth slip, until the hand in his felt like nothing of the man he remembered.

He let go and looked down at his hand, where the spaces felt alien, not filled with Kise's that had always fit so perfectly.

 _~~~  
without you, i feel torn,  
like a sail in a storm  
~~~_

Getting up, getting dress – it was routine. Sitting at a table set for two, that was routine. Emptying his voicemail, barely listening to the words that leave its mechanical voice was routine. It was the same, day after day - tasteless, grey, dull. The crackle of the television wasn't stimulating in the least, but it was distracting. Soap dramas, that's what he watched, because sports remind him too much of the blonde.

Mindlessness crowded over his brain, lulling him to gentle sleep. A grumble from his stomach reminded him that he was hungry. His heart kindly reminded it that Aomine is tired. So very tired.

 _~~~  
without you, i'm just a sad song.  
~~~_

Brisk air burned his dry eyes. The warmth of summer had faded before he could realize as even fall began to turn to winter. Soon, there would be snow. Innocent, beautiful, pure snow - just like Kise. He passed by their middle school, imagining a young 14 year old blonde running up to him. He imagined himself slinging an arm around the other's neck, and the smiles that plastered over their youthful faces. If only they'd known, what was to come, he wondered, would thy have been able to keep smiling that way?

 _"It was an accident, it was no one's fault."_

Over and over again people spewed a remix of those lines at him. He believed them. And it was because he believed them that it hurt so much. There had been no one to blame, no one to vent his feelings at -

\- and no way to have prevented it.

There wasn't a reason to live anymore.

 _~~~  
you and i,  
we're like fireworks and symphonies  
exploding in the sky  
~~~_

He went to a bar and he drank. He drank and he drank, until he was drowning in it. Someone had a magazine. An old magazine. A voice hollered at a certain blonde model smiling cheerfully on the glossy pages. A fist met the voice's face.

Everything was a blur. He didn't feel it when a kick met his gut. He couldn't feel the fingers on his skin or the bruises that formed beneath their touch. All he had felt was the way Kise's body felt in his arms, the way their bodies entwined as if it were the most natural thing in the world. He missed the way his touch was like an extension of Kise himself, so normal, expected, allowed. The way they kissed, from the prudent pecks to the passionate devourings, he could still feel them linger on his lips. If he closed his eyes, he could swear that he felt Kise's hair at his finger tips.

Almost, he could see the blonde as he spit blood onto the hardwood floor. Just a little more, he urged inwardly, as an angel seemed to approach him. Ambered-eyed and beautiful, how desperately Aomine wanted to go with him. As the world faded to black, he couldn't help but reach out, to the blinding light of his life.

 _~~~  
you're the perfect melody,  
the only harmony  
i wanna hear  
~~~_

When he wakes up, it's in his room, back to the cold, half used bed. Kuroko stares down at him, face blank yet troubled.

"Tetsu," he groans, eyes darting around.

"Kise-kun is not here."

"I didn't say any-"

"He's gone, Aomine-kun. He's gone."

Worry filled the smaller boy's eyes, but Aomine tuned out. He could almost hear his beloved's own sad voice.

"Don't forget me, Aominecchi."

I won't. I won't.

"Aomine-kun, are you listening to me?"

"Huh? What?"

Scowling as he got up to leave, Kuroko shook his head.

"I said, don't do anything stupid."

"I won't," he said, slowly, "I won't."

Seemingly unconvinced, the baby-blue haired boy lingered in the hallway, until Aomine staggered up to escort the boy out himself. Wide eyed, Kuroko could only stand in shock as the usually solemn-faced man closed the door on him, wearing a serene expression.

 _~~~  
with you, i'm a beautiful mess.  
it's like we're standing hand in hand  
with all our fears up on the edge  
~~~_

There's a burn in his throat as the booze flows down, washing away handfuls and handfuls of tiny tablets. Minutes go by, and he starts to lose consciousness. Once again, it gets darker and darker - the world as it disappears before his eyes. But Aomine won't miss it. This world was dead to him when his star was taken away.

His body grew heavy and his eyelids shut tight. In the far distance he heard the sound of glass shattering as his bottle slipped from his grip.

Goodbye, he thought, and...

"Hello, Aominecchi."

 _Hello. Hello. Hello._

 _~~~  
with you, i'm alive,  
like all the missing pieces of my heart,  
they finally collide  
~~~_

He's hugging him, squeezing so tightly it must hurt. But Kise doesn't say a thing, patting gently against his back as if he was comforting a child. It wasn't all too different from such a case, Aomine realized, with his tears streaming down his face. However nothing else mattered beside the warmth of Kise's skin on his, and the vivacious heartbeat resounding with his own. Pressing his ear right over Kise's heart, he whimpered at the strength the fist-sized muscle had. There was no way it could have failed. Kise couldn't have really gone.

"Aominecchi," his voice, smooth and beautiful like he remembered, "It's not fair. I want to see your face too."

Lifting his head, Aomine cupped the blonde's face in his hands and bumped his forehead against the other's.

"Ouch, you're still as hard-headed as ever... In more ways than one."

Kise's voice had fallen to barely above a whisper, cracking slightly towards the end. His bright eyes shimmered in the faint light. Transcendently beautiful. Aomine swore that he would never let go again.

Their first kiss in a while was dangerously sweet. Barely touching, the tanned boy nearly moaned at the feel of Kise's soft lips on his. Delicately, he licked the area of the blonde's mouth, slowly parting its entrance. Mesmerized at the flush on the model's pale cheeks, he smiled and gently wrapped his arms around him once more, burying his face on the nook of Kise's neck.

"Aominecchi?"

"Just let me stay like this, for a bit."

Kise ruffled his hair, laughing his usual chime-like laugh, "I missed you too, Aominecchi."

 _More than you'd ever know,_ Aomine added silently.

 _~~~  
so stop time right here in the moonlight,  
cause I don't ever wanna close my eyes  
~~~_

He woke up, tangled in sheets on a bed that he had previously thought to be too big. Now, once again waking next to his love, the sentiment still stood. No matter how close their bodies were, they could still be closer. Tugging Kise's body towards his own, he nuzzled his nose against the other's neck.

"I love you, Kise."

He always had, and always will.

Stirring, the blonde turned to face him, placed a hand on his face and smiled, a single tear rolling down his cheek. Aomine moved to kiss it away, but Kise kept him at arm length away.

"I love you, too, Aominecchi, but you have to go."

 _~~~  
without you, i  
~~~_

"I don't want to leave."

"Aominecchi, you have to. You have to live, you-"

"I don't have to do anything! You're my reason to live, and you're gone."

"I'm not your reason. You have many other things to live for."

"You don't know that! You don't know, damn it, what it feels like to go through living - no the fricking motions of pretending to live without you."

Grasping desperately onto Kise's wrist, Aomine begged, "I can't do it. I can't move on. Please, let me stay. I promise I'll be good. I promise not to make you angry or sad. I promise..."

Shaking, Kise shook his head, "No, Aominecchi. I told you. It's not your time. Not like how it was mine."

"To hell with that! I'll just make it my time. Kise, fuck, you know, it's not fair. You're gone, dead, rotting in the earth. Me? You expect me to live in a lightless world by myself, suffering and suffering. Do you want to know how I feel when I wake up to a cold bed? Do you want to know how it feels to reach for a hand that doesn't exist anymore? Do you want to fucking know how it feels to be ready to give anything to just see you one more time? Kise, you fucker, you don't... You don't even know how much I love you."

"I don't," Kise murmured, kissing Aomine's forehead with the greatest amount of tenderness he could muster, "I only know how much _I_ love you. I only know how scared I am of being forgotten, of being so easily replaced. I only know what it's like to wish that you never move on without me."

"Then all the more reason to-"

"But, I also know what it's like to watch the one I love torture himself day after day. I know what it's like to watch you cry yourself to sleep, and how it feels to be so close yet unable to do anything about it."

"If you want to help me, let me stay."

Kise's beautiful smile twisted darkly, as the tears continued to fall.

"That would be so easy, and I know we'd be happy. But..."

"What 'but' could there be?"

"You know, Aominecchi, I... I wanted to live. I wanted to face the world together, to see if we could make it through the trials that laid before us. I wanted to fight the distance and treasure the times we were with one another. I wanted to adopt a baby girl, and raise her to be proud in who she was. I wanted to scare off her first boyfriend, and the idiot who managed to ask for her hand in marriage. I wanted to cry at her wedding and at the birth of our grand child. I wanted to see her own kid graduate, and start a family of his own. I wanted to grow old with you and lay, one day, in on your arms as we reminisced about our lives. I wanted you to think that I, even wrinkled and saggy, was still the most beautiful person you've known. I wanted to love you forever. But I can't. We can't... Not anymore."

Aomine grew desperate, clinging hard onto his partner, his soul mate, his better half, "We can. We can get like, reincarnated or something right?"

Gently, Kise pried Aomine's fingers off of him, cradling the calloused and bruised hands in his own.

"Maybe one day," he whispered, looking deep into Aomine's ocean-like eyes, "But not today."

Crying, he couldn't stop crying. Aomine tried to wipe the tears away with his shoulders to no avail.

"Kise, I love you. I love you so much even if you are just a big fucking idiot."

"That's my line, Aominecchi," he cooed, "Don't try to sound cool when you're crying like the big baby you are."

"Shut up. Next time I see you, I'm throwing a bucket of earthworms on you."

"I'll be waiting."

 _Forever. And, for always._

 _~~~  
without you, i feel broke  
like i'm half of a whole  
without you, i've got no hand to hold  
~~~_

Slowly, his lids flitted open, and the world opened up before him through groggy his vision. The smell of antiseptic burned his nose, and there was a slight sting to his arm. There was a faint beep to his left - a heart rate monitor he deduced. Asleep on the chair next to him was Kuroko. Asleep on his laps with tears streaming down her face was Momoi.

Turning his head, he looked out the window through the slits of the blinds. Sunlight streaked through them, dancing as the wind blew behind the ajar window. Raising his palm, he feels the warmth from Kise's touch fade, and a tear falls from his right eye.

 _Goodbye._

 _~~~  
without you, i feel torn,  
but i'm still moving on,  
without you, i'll write a new song_

… _._

 _you never know how strong you are,_

 _until being strong is the only choice you have left ._

A/N: Kise died from sudden cardiac arrest. He had hypertrophic cardiomyopathy:


End file.
